Propriety

by Stephanie Kapinos

Lights were off when I got home,
You in bed with your back to my void.
I guess my jeans rose a little low for you tonight-
My shirt revealed too much.
Because I could tell when you were staring
it was with judgment, not with lust.
And I know it pissed you off,
When the bartender flirted with me a little,
Especially since I reveled in it.

After you left
I kissed a girl.
In your fantasies you'd love it.
In real life- now I'm a dike.
You'll never say it,
Just change the subject quickly.
I slept with a man before coming home
In room 313 of Motel 6.
I never met him before.
Don't even know his real name-
Don’t really care.
He was about twice my age,
Three times my weight,
Had four inches on you.
I lit a cigarette in the bathroom-
Rolled my tongue through the smoke
Like it was girl's clit.
Breathed it all over
Your high end Versace jacket.
I ran into a high school friend
Brought back memories with a line of white soldiers.
She’s working at a club on the east side,
Said they need dancers.
You said I needed a job.
I have an interview tomorrow.

I picked up a needle tonight.
My thoughts became euphoric.
I ran it along my arm ... longing
for a release.
But I knew you'd look there
So I did it on my leg.
but then put it on the nightstand,
and crawled into bed;
Didn't even bother to wipe it off
It's amazing how you can judge me while sleeping.

It doesn't matter that none of that happened.
The fact it could have ----------- is enough to hate me.

All material on this site is copyright of Stephanie Kapinos unless otherwise indicated. This includes, but is not limited to, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, criticism, reviews, and images. Distribution or copying of this material is strictly prohibited without written permission from the owner. © 2007